She’s rushing around gathering her items. My brothers and I are in our room playing. I hear the chaos and decide to run out and see what is going on. That name…that name was said. You know the name. It is the one that is called to come babysit. That babysitter that you just dread having. She called her. She stood in the bathroom quickly painting on her make-up as they spoke about the plans.

I stood at the door watching and wondering what the rush was. I remember her saying her water broke and that she needed to go to the hospital. Hospital? I had heard of those places at the time and immediately was scared and wondered what was wrong. Hospitals were for hurt people.

“Mommy, where are you going? Mommy! Mommy!” I began saying.

She wasn’t listening. She was focused on the phone conversation and rushing to finish her tasks. I don’t remember the in-between but I do remember that babysitter showing up soon after. I remember crying as I held her leg saying “please don’t go.”

This babysitter was so mean or so we thought at that age. She exhibited a lot of authority over us 3 and that was not what we were ok with. You see, we had been through a lot with our mother and it led the three of us to cling to one another.

Mom left and the babysitter started shouting orders and being rude to us. It may have been a healthy babysitter at the time but from what my trauma ridden brain can remember; she was abnormally mean. We began creating paper chains and hanging them up in the house. I wasn’t sure what the occasion was but I knew we were enjoying it until…

She decided to tell our oldest brother to go to his room. She thought she could make that decision to leave him there for the rest of the night. He listened and went to his room. 1….2…3… my older brother and I looked at each other and we knew what needed to be done. She does not hurt one of us three. My older brother(Let’s call him “M”) and I decided we were going to save “T”(the oldest brother). We decided to start acting out and she would have to address the other 2 and send us to our room as well. Think about that…we shared a room….

We ended up getting to be together in our room and enjoying our evening of bed jumping, tent making and toy excursions. It was at that time that we felt safe again. Together. I am not sure when the news or evening changed but we found out information at one point that changed our outlook. We received information that there would be another sibling added to our group. 1….2….3………FOUR!

Four kids!? Four kids, Mom? Really? We barely had what we needed already. Add another one!? Do you think I was really thinking that as a kid? I think the thought came at one point but I am not sure exactly when. I think there was excitement in me to know that there was a baby coming but I did not like that it meant that my mom would be away from me for a few days.

No one told me what that meant and that might have been best as I was just a little kid. I didn’t need to know that all of this was happening but what a surprise and struggle when we found out after the fact. We were confused, excited and wondering what was to come. What no one told me was that this new member of our family would become very important to me in the years to come. There would be a bond that is unexplainable except with time. It was all of us together now. Mom and the four of us….